Venting!

Everyone needs to vent sometime. Some of us need to vent more than others. I think a lot of it has to do with what kind of job we have and what kinds of problems we encounter. Of course, when we vent, it is alway nice to have someone to vent to, who has nothing to do with the situation. Hopefully, a sympathetic ear. But there are some rules to venting, and also rules to being a listener.

When you are a listener, remember, you are just that. You are not an advisor. The person who is venting doesn't want an advisor.... only a listener. A sympathetic listener. Remember, the venter is getting something off his chest. He's hot under the collar and wants to tell someone why. He's not ready for any advice. So just listen and say something like, "awww, I'm sorry."

Also, as a listener, don't come across like you are taking the other person's side. That spoils the whole venting process. The venter will feel betrayed. Even if you don't agree, at least act like you do.... for a while. Remember, the venter could be venting to someone else. That might make you jealous. So if you want all the venting to come your way.... act interested and sympathetic. Don't worry, the venting will soon be past.

A listener should also not make comments like: "sorry I asked." You might be sorry you asked, but don't say it because now the venter will feel really betrayed.

But as a venter, don't make the person "sorry they asked." Remember, they are doing you a service just listening to you. Don't make listening a miserable experience for them. After all, isn't venting about 50% of what you have to talk about? Abuse the listener and you will be venting to yourself.... that gets pretty lonesome. So don't act like you are angry at the listener, unless of course, you are angry at the listener. But even then, you need to be kind because the listener might start venting back at you. I think they call that arguing.

Remember, venting is just that! Venting! You know you won't do the things you say you ought to do. Hopefully, your listener will know that, too! So after you vent, don't go out and do something stupid. Venting gives you time to not do something stupid, to think your problem through. After you have vented, you will probably realize that a lot of your thoughts are stupid and you will abandon them. The constructive thoughts can be implemented in a calm and peaceful and well thought out manner.

It's important to vent, but equally important to not abuse your listener. I find venting over a Starbucks tones it down quite a bit. It's also good for the economy.